Tuesday, June 7, 2011

Let me tell you why I've called you all here...

You'll never guess how I ended up here. No, go ahead, try. Nope, that's not it. No, that's not it either. Give up? Okay, I'll tell you....

For some reason I decided to look at my rarely used twitter account. I mean, I tweet occasionally from my phone, but I almost never look at my account. So, while there I noticed a familiar picture where it listed those I follow. Dee. I honestly dont remember how or when I added her, and I'm pretty sure I hadn't really looked at her profile because I didn't recognize anything. But I saw she was doing a new blog about motherhood. It made me happy to know she and her baby are ok.

Anyway, that blog led back to her old blog (with a new address), which she decided to start posting at again. I may never fully understand the love/hate relationship she and I had, but after all this time I still miss her. Well, I miss the old her. I miss the love - not so much the hate (which really only ever emanated from her anyway).

So I started thinking about blogging. About communicating in that honest, fresh, funny way I used to have. The way that led me to her (Though our relationship pre-dated blogging, my writing was still the same), and many other online friends. I don't know if it's age, or weariness, or stress, but over the past 5 or 6 years, my ability to write gradually wandered away from me.

In the hopes that it was merely lack of usage that caused the attrition of my brain, I'm going to try once again to start blogging on a (semi)regular basis. It's going to be difficult, with a 5 year old son (I can't believe I've been in his life 3 years already!!!), a wife I already don't get to spend enough time with, a 2-hour daily roundtrip to pick up the son from his grand-parents house, a house constantly in need of work, a job that sucks the life out of me, and my desire to start an art/photography business... or even just take a few pictures for money. Lol. Not to mention that *C* wants me to either get a new job or try to move up in my current job... and what I'd really like to do is go to college and study graphic arts.

Now, I know what you're all saying (by "all", I mean both of you! lol): "Come on, Greg, we all know how many times, and on how many different blogs, you've promised to start writing again. What makes this different?" Well, I'm glad you asked. It was a very good question, and I'm very proud of you for coming up with it on your own!

The answer is: nothing. Nothing is different, except I really feel the need to express myself again. I make no promises, to myself, let alone anyone else. But I'm going to try...

First, a brief update. *C* and I have been married nearly a year, and things are great. Not that there aren't ever any issues, but she and I have an ability to work through issues, whenever they arise. I've never had this kind of communication in a relationship, and while I recognize that that is 99% my fault, it is something she has forced me to work on. Anyway, we live with our son *D*, and *C*s sister *R*, in their parents old house. Money is still tight, and some of my discretions (old debts, a speeding ticket, etc), have contributed to the stress level of late. But I'm hoping in the next month or two we'll get back on top of things.

We've also found a great church. It's Methodist, which is a somewhat more liberal church than I ever expected to go to. But it is the first church I've ever been to where the people are genuinely friendly and caring. It's also the first church that have ever looked forward to going to every week, and the only one where I haven't sat there feeling judged and unwelcome. It's a beautiful thing.

In more recent news, my ex-wife's brother died suddenly a week ago. I really affected me more than I would have expected. I just keep remembering what a good guy he was (he's really the only adult member of her family that I really liked, aside from her grandfather), and how stupid his death was. not to mention seeing how it affected my ex and our daughter. The funeral was rough, and it was weird seeing all her family again, most of whom I hadn't seen in well over a year. But they all seemed to appreciate my presence, and I appreciated being invited.

Well, I've babbled pretty long for a first entry, so Ima go now. Talk to y'all soon???